The choice

This might take up a bit more space than usual because there's something I truly wish I could talk to you about -- wishing I'd be able to hear your thoughts, too, but I guess this will have to do.

My decision to stay -- choosing to continue to keep you in my life -- is slowly becoming a lonely choice.

I told my best friend. She told me to leave it behind. I told a handful of friends, they told me to put you behind me for good. And even my mom, with what little she understands and knows about the entire situation, is cynical of this ever working out.

Is it foolish to keep on trying? Am I simply acting on the hope that things will be different? Have I made the wrong choice? 

Odd thing is I don't feel the need for people to understand my decision. It just feels like I'm drifting away from people who are quick to tell me how bad the situation is but cannot offer an alternative solution. 

But yes I do want to tell people about what's happening in my life, ask questions... Although they would only push me to do what they want me to do. And I would see pity in their eyes. And disappointment. 

I guess I won't find the support and comfort from you -- and no one else would offer these either. I find myself in a lonely place.

I wish I have you to run to for encouragement. I wish you would take me in your arms and tell me everything will be alright.